I am changing my name to AIG
Well. Maybe not, now. Damnit.
Like most Americans, I think, I expected the Emergency Economic Stabilization Act of 2008 to pass, since this did seem to be the most likely option given support from Sen. Obama, grandstanding by Sen. McCain, and fearmongering by the president, which would seem to have guaranteed it bipartisan approval.

Oh well.

I wonder if you can tell how much thought/time has gone into a bill by whether or not the name spells something cute. The obvious example is the USA PATRIOT Act, which is properly an acronym and should always be capitalised, the moreso as it has nothing to do with actual, ah, patriotism, and certainly not with patriotism as regards the "USA" (which in "USA PATRIOT" stands for "Uniting and Strengthening America").

"Oh dear god won't someone please think of the children" style acts designed to assault civil liberties under the guise of keeping the virgin eyes of babes secure are also good for this. Hence the Providing Resources, Officers, and Technology to Eradicate Cyber Threats to Our Children" (PROTECT Our Children Act. "lol") or the Safeguarding America's Families by Enhancing and Reorganizing New and Efficient Technologies Act ("SAFER-NET"). The SAFETY Act. The KIDS Act. And so on.

EESA does not stand for anything unless it is Jar-Jar Binks onomatopoeia (reference to the heady times of the last economic bubble thrown in for free). I don't understand why someone couldn't have put at least a little thought into it. I mean come on, it can't be that hard. Anyway my guess is the lack of a snappy name is what prevented its adoption, especially since by district maps it seems to have been challenged in more educated places, where people appreciate wit. I've only got twenty minutes on the train, but:

The Delivering to Our Lenders Liberal Amounts of Remuneration for Something (DOLLARS) Act;
The Buying American Investors a Little Overdue and Urgent Time (BAIL-OUT) Act;
The Reassuring Eager Stockbrokers Congress Understands Everything (RESCUE) Act; and of course
The Funding Unscrupulous Creditors to Keep Yuppie Opportunities Undisturbed, Anyway More Egalitarian Relief Iniatives Could Also Have Assisted in Helping Average Troubled Homeowners Already Now Knee-deep in Strife but Face the Obvious Reality, They Had Every Chance Already, So Handouts for the Worse-Affected Loansharks, Lenders and Speculators Truly Respects Equality and Enterprise, Totally (FUCK YOU AMERICA HAHA THANKS FOR THE CASH - WALL STREET) Act

which I intend to submit to my senator for introduction ASAP.

And when it passes--as I'm certain it will--I shall be whistling a merry Paxton tune (sung most famously by Arlo, of course)--perhaps updated for the 21st century.

I am changing my name to WaMu
I am going down to Washington DC.
Though it may seem tragicomic,
Let's return to Reaganomics--
Throwing money at the rich seems good to me.

I am changing to name to WaMu,
I am headed for that great recieving line.
So when the Secretary hollers
"Seven hundred billion dollars!"
I know I'll get mine!

Comrade Alex
1.10.2008 - 4h10

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