Set for maximum dryness!
Boldly purchasing what no man has purchased before. Today. We...
Moving is fun. I have a nice apartment--it's in a very quiet, out of the way neighborhood. Technically it is next to a mall, but it is an Asian mall (the webpage describes it as offering "dining, shopping, pretty life") and it's very subdued. The loudest noise is from the pipes. I like it.
So I will need to:
1. Purchase supplies
2. Set your daily rations (currently MEAGER) and pace (currently GRUELING)
3. Look around
4. Talk to COMCAST
Your choice: 4
[cut to 16-color graphic of a bored CSR while a MIDI of a Muzak adaptation of Rod Stewart plays. In the background, other CSR's traversing the trail have two frames of animation, causing them to look like they're flickering back and forth]
"You need to be careful when setting a date to get Comcast service. If you choose to start too early, you'll face tougher conditions and have fewer choices. On the other hand, if you choose to wait, you might not get Internet before winter sets in!"
Choosing 4 repeatedly accomplishes nothing else.
PG&E, however, was blissfully easy. They requested a deposit of twice the average bill at the apartment, which they identified as being "30". I do not actually imagine my average bill to be $15, but I can hope.
I did some preliminary shopping yesterday to obtain the essentials of life (Swedish Fish and caffeinated beverage). I also purchased a pillow and what is identified on the label as a "J-Class Towel," which I understand to be standard issue for newly-arrived Starfleet personnel.
Well, perhaps not.
Actually, definitely not, as it's hard to imagine anyone from Starfleet shipping out with something they couldn't "increase power to" or "remodulate". ("Captain! Our pencils are having no effect on this notebook!" "Remodulate the primary writing emitter to direct a coherent beam of graphite at the paper. Set for .7 millimetre spread." "No effect! The graphite is beginning to lose structural integrity!" "Reinitialise the emitter!").
Hmm. Perhaps if I hadn't grown up on "Voyager" the Captain wouldn't be required to solve anything. Ah well. I'm about to drop out of subway close to my destination, so, y'alls peace out.
/a
So I will need to:
1. Purchase supplies
2. Set your daily rations (currently MEAGER) and pace (currently GRUELING)
3. Look around
4. Talk to COMCAST
Your choice: 4
[cut to 16-color graphic of a bored CSR while a MIDI of a Muzak adaptation of Rod Stewart plays. In the background, other CSR's traversing the trail have two frames of animation, causing them to look like they're flickering back and forth]
"You need to be careful when setting a date to get Comcast service. If you choose to start too early, you'll face tougher conditions and have fewer choices. On the other hand, if you choose to wait, you might not get Internet before winter sets in!"
Choosing 4 repeatedly accomplishes nothing else.
PG&E, however, was blissfully easy. They requested a deposit of twice the average bill at the apartment, which they identified as being "30". I do not actually imagine my average bill to be $15, but I can hope.
I did some preliminary shopping yesterday to obtain the essentials of life (Swedish Fish and caffeinated beverage). I also purchased a pillow and what is identified on the label as a "J-Class Towel," which I understand to be standard issue for newly-arrived Starfleet personnel.
Operations: Captain! We are under precipitation!
Captain: Red alert! Raise umbrellas.
Tactical: Umbrellas raised. No effect.
Captain: Helm, get us out of here!
Helm: I'm detecting a single apartment-type dwelling, .5 klicks from our current position. We can take shelter there.
Captain: Make it so.
Operations: We've cleared the threshhold. Precipitation has stopped.
Tactical: Structural aridity is at 30%. Water has compromised all primary garments.
Captain: Activate blowdryer.
Tactical: Blowdryer activated. No effect, Captain. Structural aridity is at 28% and falling.
Captain: Options!
First Officer: We may have to consider abandoning clothes.
Captain: Not on my watch. Tactical--set the blowdryer to emit a constant stream of high-energy molecules. Increase power to maximum.
::switches flipped on blowdryer::
Tactical: No effect. Water is beginning to infiltrate secondary systems.
Captain: Divert additional power to the blowdryer!
::in the background, the refrigerator dies. The clock on the oven flickers and cuts out::
Main P&Geering: You're overloading the power conduits! You're going to have to abort!
Captain: Shut it down! Commander, send the order to evacuate from all clothes. Order the crew to deploy J-Class Towels to all affected areas.
Captain: Red alert! Raise umbrellas.
Tactical: Umbrellas raised. No effect.
Captain: Helm, get us out of here!
Helm: I'm detecting a single apartment-type dwelling, .5 klicks from our current position. We can take shelter there.
Captain: Make it so.
Operations: We've cleared the threshhold. Precipitation has stopped.
Tactical: Structural aridity is at 30%. Water has compromised all primary garments.
Captain: Activate blowdryer.
Tactical: Blowdryer activated. No effect, Captain. Structural aridity is at 28% and falling.
Captain: Options!
First Officer: We may have to consider abandoning clothes.
Captain: Not on my watch. Tactical--set the blowdryer to emit a constant stream of high-energy molecules. Increase power to maximum.
::switches flipped on blowdryer::
Tactical: No effect. Water is beginning to infiltrate secondary systems.
Captain: Divert additional power to the blowdryer!
::in the background, the refrigerator dies. The clock on the oven flickers and cuts out::
Main P&Geering: You're overloading the power conduits! You're going to have to abort!
Captain: Shut it down! Commander, send the order to evacuate from all clothes. Order the crew to deploy J-Class Towels to all affected areas.
Well, perhaps not.
Actually, definitely not, as it's hard to imagine anyone from Starfleet shipping out with something they couldn't "increase power to" or "remodulate". ("Captain! Our pencils are having no effect on this notebook!" "Remodulate the primary writing emitter to direct a coherent beam of graphite at the paper. Set for .7 millimetre spread." "No effect! The graphite is beginning to lose structural integrity!" "Reinitialise the emitter!").
Hmm. Perhaps if I hadn't grown up on "Voyager" the Captain wouldn't be required to solve anything. Ah well. I'm about to drop out of subway close to my destination, so, y'alls peace out.
/a
| Galluskek 4.09.2009 - 2h41 |
What makes you think they wouldn't put buttons all over the pencils? "Captain! We're already at 9B! She cannae get any darker!" A nice little tale, congratulations on the new place, but now I have to find an Apple II or something to play Oregon Trail again. Bad Alex, I don't have time for fun things anymore. |
| Vulpecula 5.09.2009 - 12h45 |
Who needs an Apple II when you can emulate one in Java: http://www.virtualapple.org/J_oregontraildisk.html I still think that so far I win in how much Comcasticness I've had the pleasure of experiencing. Apparently it takes 3 hours on the phone, half a dozen techs (including one on site), and several days to get a cable modem registered with your account. Apparently they have to first clear the device with several Congressional subcommittees and then add the modem's MAC address to my account by first mailing the information to their techs via carrier pigeon and then manually etching the 1's and 0's onto their hard drives with an ice pick. Had I known at the time that 3 virgins would have to die in order to activate my connection, I might have considered looking into DSL. Although, another friend of mine says things about AT&T that make it sound like they are doing their best to outdo Comcast's customer service legacy. |